Drunken Poetry

For an office happy hour this week, I challenged my coworkers to write poems that we'd then read after a bunch of drinks. Of course, I was the only who played my game.

So, since there was no audience for my great drunken poem there, I'm going to force it on you here. Hope you enjoy.

Why I Drink
by me.

I’ve recently been told that I
may need to get some help.
That maybe I have dwelled too long
in my own personal hell.
Some things you may not know ‘bout me
may help explain my plight.
Or perhaps just why I’m doing fine
on this auspicious night.

My mother always feared for me
when I was just a boy.
I stayed up nights all terrified
of ghosts amongst my toys.
But little did my mother know
the true scars I’d receive
were from my friends who made me play
a girl for make believe.

School was never easy for a
nerdy clumsy geek
like me who read and played no sports,
was shy and awfully weak.
My first girlfriend, and ugly thing
with pimples and bad teeth.
Her selling point, even she was
more popular than me.

A young adult, I tried my best
to shed my cursed past.
The cloud that I had lived under
could not be meant to last.
But college was a frightful tale.
I did some things, you see,
that never should be uttered to
such proper company.

“Now law school, that’s a plan,” I thought,
“That should pay off in spades!”
I fucked myself with that bold move
by getting shitty grades.
Thank God I found myself a job
and go to work each day.
The pay’s enough. My boss is nuts,
but stays out of my way.

And still, my life, it trudges on
in mediocrity.
I read sci-fi and walk my dog
and play games on the Wii.
I have no goals, no great big dreams
of ever going far.
I have no place to feel secure
except my local bar.

And so I turn to drink, my friends.
It changes things, you see.
With booze in me I’m ten feet tall,
the lord of all I see.
I’m handsome, charming, powerful
and life becomes so great.
The knocks I’ve taken seem less harsh.
I like my drunken state!

I say there’s nothing wrong with this,
the way I spend my nights.
I’m sure you all have got my back
in case of any fights.
Drinking does fulfill my life,
I’m sure that this is true,
‘cause though I’m getting drunk tonight,
I’m getting drunk with you.

Plug In, Baby

I'm told I'm crazy for having done this, but I bought tickets to see Muse at Wembley Stadium in September.

No, I have no idea how I'm going to afford a trip to London, but I at least wanted the option. I can always sell the tickets later if I have to, but I need a chance to see these guys in their home environment: