Spoilers (a/k/a Professor Snape Kills Tony Soprano, Who Doesn’t Know He’s Dead)

GUESS I HAVE TO FOLOW MY OWN ADVICE: SPOILER ALERT RE: HARRY POTTER (BOOK 6) AND THE SIXTH SENSE – I CAN’T SEE HOW THESE COULD REALLY END UP BEING MY FAULT AT THIS POINT, BUT BE WARNED

In the aftermath of the final episode of The Sopranos, I’ve come across a very awkward situation today – trying not to be a spoiler for anyone who’s still waiting to see it.

A good friend got me into the Sopranos, and I stepped gingerly in conversation this morning. I blew one of the recent episodes for him, assuming that my most Sopranos-fanatical friend would have been watching as it aired. But, with Tivo and a busy life, he was exposed to the death of Christopher Moltisanti all too soon by my misstep.

So, this morning, I made sure to check whether he’d watched last night before I said anything. Good thing for me and my conscience – he hadn’t.

What sucks is that there are far too many “spoilers” out there – people unwilling to appreciate the arts enough to have discretion, or worse, actively to seek to ruin it for others. This is clearly the mark of a small penis.

It’s one of these genitalia-stunted retards who zinged me with this one on some public transportation a couple of summers back: “Yeah, Dumbledore was killed – it was crazy.”

Yeah, and THANK YOU, ASSHOLE. Like hearing about your mom’s summer flu wasn’t annoying enough for my evening’s commute, now you just screwed up my enjoyment of a well written book.

I’m not even a Harry Potter nut. I can’t imagine how those people must have felt if/when it was spoiled for any of them by shitty people who can’t keep conversation to a civil tone on the train.

It’s really not too much ask: once you’ve experienced some big moment in a book, on TV, or in a movie, which you know people all around you may want to experience (such as the most popular novel series, movie, or TV series in years), keep your effing cakehole shut about it in public for a while.

Bragging about how you know what happened in a loud voice only confirms your shriveled little penis for the rest of us.

It’s hard to sort out the good stuff in the arts these days, so when something is clearly quality, let people enjoy it on their own. Otherwise, some of them may be out for people like you...