Here it is; my conclusion to the completely wild story of the Bible. Here are the previous chapters:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
With Jesus, God had created a human that was fully trained, the way he wanted the rest to be. God liked humans’ ability to choose to respect him. No one wants to be surrounded by mindlessly devoted bootlicks. So, he’d worked long and hard to train a set of humans to respect him and acknowledge him the way he deserved.
With Jesus, God had left the final blueprint for appropriate human behavior. He’d certainly put plenty out there, so far. So, from there, God left the humans to develop and exist on their own. As they died, he kept their souls in storage, marked for sorting day as being good enough to being into the house or bad enough to simply destroy.
The one extra thing God allowed was for Jesus to teach one final lesson to his last surviving disciple, John. In a dream one night, he showed John what was going to happen. John wrote of this revelation (in heavily symbolic language) in the last book of the Bible.
From there, humans then existed for some indeterminate period of time – let’s say at least a few thousand years. Did you hear it? That whooshing sound was this story shooting through the present day.
One day, long after God had first set Jesus on the humans, he sent Jesus back to finish the experiment. They gave the humans no warning.
Out of nowhere, God pulled out a bullhorn and, with Jesus charging out into the human world, he pronounced that this was the end of the exercise. God had spent enough time outside with the animals. It was time to sort out the quality humans from the bad.
Jesus was now a vicious attack dog, and it was a good thing. Many humans were all-out hostile to him and God. Many had been corrupted by evil forces out in the distance, off of God’ property. God hadn’t messed with these forces previously, but Jesus came and tore them to shreds.
Amongst the remaining humans, one human rose up with what appeared to be a lot of power, given to him by evil forces out in the wild of the universe. This was all a sham, though, and Jesus ripped him apart, too.
In the process, all of the souls that had been in storage were woken up and thrown in to the mix. Those God liked get called into the house almost immediately. Of those not yet dead, God gives one last chance to by torturing them. In this quick test way, he could see who would really behave, and who would not.
In the end, the good humans were brought into God’s house, and the bad ones were destroyed entirely, while the evil forces of the universe were left to suffer for the rest of time.
The moral of the story, of course, is that God is ultimately badass. Humans were given the power to acknowledge this, but also the power to ignore it. In making humans this way, God made something better than the rest of creation.
Those who paid the right respect were taken to a place they could have never conceived.
The fate of the rest was not punishment. It was the simple judgment that they were useless to the universe. As with all useless junk, they were disposed of. Their feeling of self worth, without paying respect to their creator, wasn’t enough to save them.
And in the end, God kept on being God, in his totally badassed glory. He was badass before humans, and he was badass after humans. End of story.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
With Jesus, God had created a human that was fully trained, the way he wanted the rest to be. God liked humans’ ability to choose to respect him. No one wants to be surrounded by mindlessly devoted bootlicks. So, he’d worked long and hard to train a set of humans to respect him and acknowledge him the way he deserved.
With Jesus, God had left the final blueprint for appropriate human behavior. He’d certainly put plenty out there, so far. So, from there, God left the humans to develop and exist on their own. As they died, he kept their souls in storage, marked for sorting day as being good enough to being into the house or bad enough to simply destroy.
The one extra thing God allowed was for Jesus to teach one final lesson to his last surviving disciple, John. In a dream one night, he showed John what was going to happen. John wrote of this revelation (in heavily symbolic language) in the last book of the Bible.
From there, humans then existed for some indeterminate period of time – let’s say at least a few thousand years. Did you hear it? That whooshing sound was this story shooting through the present day.
One day, long after God had first set Jesus on the humans, he sent Jesus back to finish the experiment. They gave the humans no warning.
Out of nowhere, God pulled out a bullhorn and, with Jesus charging out into the human world, he pronounced that this was the end of the exercise. God had spent enough time outside with the animals. It was time to sort out the quality humans from the bad.
Jesus was now a vicious attack dog, and it was a good thing. Many humans were all-out hostile to him and God. Many had been corrupted by evil forces out in the distance, off of God’ property. God hadn’t messed with these forces previously, but Jesus came and tore them to shreds.
Amongst the remaining humans, one human rose up with what appeared to be a lot of power, given to him by evil forces out in the wild of the universe. This was all a sham, though, and Jesus ripped him apart, too.
In the process, all of the souls that had been in storage were woken up and thrown in to the mix. Those God liked get called into the house almost immediately. Of those not yet dead, God gives one last chance to by torturing them. In this quick test way, he could see who would really behave, and who would not.
In the end, the good humans were brought into God’s house, and the bad ones were destroyed entirely, while the evil forces of the universe were left to suffer for the rest of time.
The moral of the story, of course, is that God is ultimately badass. Humans were given the power to acknowledge this, but also the power to ignore it. In making humans this way, God made something better than the rest of creation.
Those who paid the right respect were taken to a place they could have never conceived.
The fate of the rest was not punishment. It was the simple judgment that they were useless to the universe. As with all useless junk, they were disposed of. Their feeling of self worth, without paying respect to their creator, wasn’t enough to save them.
And in the end, God kept on being God, in his totally badassed glory. He was badass before humans, and he was badass after humans. End of story.
1 comment:
Love your perception of the Bible! You are a character to say the least. Complete and total respect for your blog here. xo
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